"Let's see those papers, Juan" *Note the new Arizona state flag emblem on this officer's helmet*

I’m sure most of you know by now that Arizona has recently passed a law that allows police to stop anyone they “ASSUME “ is an illegal immigrant, demand that they produce their “papers”…as if they are some breed of dog…or as if we now live in Nazi Germany…and if they fail to do so, can be arrested and detained. Now listen…I understand that illegal immigration is a problem and that Arizona, being one of the states on the “front lines” of this battle, experiences more of the brunt of the residual effects of illegal immigration than do most other states in the Union. However, that gives no one living there…or in power there…the excuse to trample on the civil rights of any citizen living in Arizona. This legislation, and the hype surrounding it, is a testament to the two-fold problem I have with the conservatives in that state who started all this (and conservatism in general with regard to issues of social justice and race).

If we'll protect this clown's rights...LORD KNOWS we should protect EVERYONE'S. *please note, again, the new Arizona state flag to the right*

First of all, our constitutional republic form of government (which is always mistaken for democracy) is structured in such a way that majority rule is tempered by minority rights protected under the law in order to protect those of our citizens (and their interests) who may not be as populous in number or very popular in the eyes of the majority. Our constitution…the one that conservatives only like to quote and remember exists only when someone wants to talk about gun control…reflects this. What the Arizona conservatives are doing, and what conservatives in general like to do on a broad range of issues, is say “I don’t agree with you, don’t like you, don’t want you here, am afraid of you, or (in this case) some combination of all of these…so the rights given to every American now no longer apply to you because it makes me feel better or safer”. What FURTHER sends me over the edge is that out of that same mouth they will scream to the top of their lungs of patriotism and how much they want “THEIR” America back from the “socialists” (by which THEY mean Democrats and minorities) who are trying to change our form of government. If you love this form of government so much…which you should…then you will realize that what makes it and US great is that it is designed in such a way that when faced with the choice of comfort versus the rights of those citizen who may make us feel uncomfortable…we pick protecting their rights. For instance, as a black man in America…I HATE, and am made uncomfortable by,  the Ku Klux Klan and wish they would dissolve…but I’ll fight to the death their right to gather in protest and chant “We hate niggers” until they’re blue in the face because this is America and as citizens they have that right (as long as they remain non-violent) and it’s my duty as a citizen to protect that right even if I disagree or they make me uncomfortable. Furthermore, what makes us great as a country is our promise and determination to protect the civil liberties of EVERY ONE of our citizens…whether his name is Harold, Haikeem, Hong, or Hector…so to pull people over and detain them without provocation is more than just wrong and potentially unconstitutional, it’s also demeaning to every US citizens with brown skin who will be pulled over and harassed because they “look illegal”…whatever that means…a slap in the face to our founding fathers, the authors of the Constitution, to the document itself, and contrary to the true nature of America.

This cartoon needs no caption. The truth speaks for itself.

Secondly, this legislation isn’t about illegal immigration. If it were…the unwarranted racial profiling this bill allows is transparent enough that the framers of this bill would have seen it and come up with something less laced with bigotry. But they haven’t…because that’s EXACTLY what this legislation is about. BIGOTRY. They want to make not just illegals uncomfortable…they want to make ALL minorities uncomfortable in the hopes that they ALL will leave. There is this gross sense of entitlement that the right wing has. You hear it in the Tea Partier’s chants of “WE want OUR country back”. From whom?! Everyone in power currently is a citizen…everyone is from this planet…so who are you trying to take the country back from…and the answer is…the people THEY feel don’t deserve to be here as much as they do. Namely…minorities. This law gives the police in Arizona the right to do what many members of the police in Mississippi, Texas, Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, my GREAT home state of Louisiana…and a host of other states below the Mason-Dixon wish they were able to still do…harass blacks, Hispanics, and anyone else that doesn’t look like them, or they feel don’t have the right to be here.

Again…I’m not saying that there isn’t an immigration problem…nor am I  saying that it doesn’t need to be addressed and fixed. What I AM  saying is this particular law is birthed of hatred and ignorance and is neither the answer, nor is it…contrary to what history and the actions of our predecessors have shown us in their dealings with minorities…the TRUE American way. This bill is bigotry at it’s worst…and the Supreme Court REALLY needs to step in here and rule this mess to be unconstitutional.

You KNOW your grandma would be ashamed of what you've become!

Ok…this one REALLY throws me for a loop. My friend Ola came to my office today and brought upa recent quote of Republican National Committee Uncle Tom…uh…I mean Chairman, Michael Steel, in which he expressed that we should all be scared to death of President Obama’s call to have the new healthcare plan legislation finished by the time Congress goes on recess in 10 days. This brought up SO many questions in my mind. Why is a black man the chairman of the GOP? What evil, selfish, black-hearted person would fight against healthcare for all Americans? Why is a black man the chairman of the GOP? Why would I be afraid of a plan that would help me? And of course…WHY IS A BLACK MAN THE CHAIRMAN OF THE GOP!!!??? (this would be a nice place to add a picture of Dr. King, Malcom X, and Huey Newton all simultaneously turning over in their graves…but my photographer couldn’t find one in time). Anyhoo…as I was pondering these puzzling questions…my good friend Ola pointed out the most important question of all! Why is Congress the only organization in which grown folks get a recess?! Is it a kindergarten of some sort? I mean sure…it’s comprised of a bunch of whiney, spoiled individuals who run around all day babbling jibberish with no concept of how the world works or how things are interconnected (and that’s just the Republican side…HAHAHA!!! I kid, I kid!). And sure, some of them are at an age at which they drool, wet themselves, and make us question whether they are capable of “grown-up work”…but I’d hardly call it a Kindergarten. So why then do they get a recess? I’ve been working now for 10 years. I’ve NEVER once had a recess. Now, sure, we all get a vacation. A week here…two weeks there…BUT A FULL MONTH!!!??? No one gets that but teachers and they don’t even get paid for it. It blows my mind.

Now congressman! You KNOW you need to fix healthcare before you go out to play! Get back in session or you won't get a snack!

Now, I don’t wanna be a hater. I don’t really have a problem with the members of Congress getting a break. Everyone needs rest every now and then. My problem lies with the fact that they get the break regardless of whether or not they’ve completed their work. This session of Congress is preparing to break for recess…but…uh…last time I checked the economy is still in the crapper; the first Hispanic to be nominated to the Supreme Court is still being interrogated by racist, southern senators who are questioning her like they would a maid they suspected of stealing something instead of with the dignity and respect she is due as an accomplished judge; the rest of the world still hates us and at least three of the countries are trying to kill us all; Americans are still poor and without healthcare or access to quality education at all levels; and the list goes on. These people have a ton of stuff to do!!! How are they being allowed to chill for a month?!

"We're all done! NOW can we come out to play?!"

You wanna see change? Lock Congress in the Capitol and amend the Constitution to tell them that they can’t go to their summer homes, ethnic mistresses and illegitimate children until they’ve made progress in the problem areas facing us. I promise you that between now and August they will fix the economy, secure world peace, confirm Judge Sotomayer, cancel poverty, insure all Americans, improve education, cure cancer and AIDS, find Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa, map out a plan to colonize Mars and figure out EXACTLY how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie Pop!

This is how I view MOST cabbies.

Let me start this post by saying I HATE CAB DRIVERS! Ok…that’s not true. I actually have friends who have parents who are cabbies, and I know them to be great people so let me clean that up. I hate MOST cab drivers! I never had much dealings with them growing up in New Orleans. New Orleans is the kind of city where you really need a car and we had one…so I rarely too cabs there. As a matter of fact, the only time I took cabs at home was when my nanny needed to go to the grocery store. She would call her personal cabbie, Mr. Willie (not to be confused with her husband Uncle Willie who I’ll probably reference a lot in the future). The only thing notable about Mr. Willie was that he was really nice, for some reason ALWAYS had porn in the trunk of his cab in plain sight when we were loading the taxi with groceries, and anytime he’d see a fat woman he’d always grimice and say “Whooo Lawd! I couldn’t do nothing to her but feed her!” He didn’t like fat women too much.  But other than that…he was pretty normal.

Maybe I need to be looking for cabs that look like this.

Then I moved to DC. The first problem I found with dealing with cab drivers is the realization that the stereotypes are true! CABS DO NOT REGULARLY STOP FOR BLACK PEOPLE!!!!!!!! I hate to say that but it’s true. And it’s not a black/white thing as far as the cab drivers go. In my 3 years in DC I have yet to see a white cab driver. That’s not to say they don’t exist…but I’ve just not run into any. This means that it is other minorities that are passing me up every time I need a quick ride to work or church! This was never more evident than one morning when I was at the office late at about 1:30 am. When I finally left it took me 30 minutes to get a taxi to stop for me. I feel the need to point out that it wasn’t because there were no cabs out. They were whizzing by one after the other. And it wasn’t that they weren’t in service because many of them were full…just full of people who didn’t look like me. I also need to point out (for those of you who’ve never met me) it’s not that I look like a thug or like someone who would do them harm. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m not completely opposed to profiling. If I were a cab driver, I too would be reluctant to stop at 1:30 am for someone who looked like they just got out of prison. But that’s so not me!!! I usually leave my house looking like I just fell off a yacht!!! I know many of you may say that it’s just the blacks over reacting again, but all I know is, if I’m relying on a taxi to take me somewhere…I gotta leave 30-40 minutes early to make sure I give myself some time to find a cab that will stop for me.

The next problem I find is the lack of A/C in the summer. Ok…I know that it’s a recession and we’re all trying to conserve…but there are limits! It’s 100 degrees outside with 100% humidity. WHY IS THE AIR CONDITIONING NOT ON!!!!??? And you can’t say that you don’t have gas money! You’re a taxi! Even if you don’t have any when I get in the car…I’ll be giving you some when I get out…so stop being a cheapskate and turn on the air!!! You know you’re hot too!!!

"I'll only take you if we're going 300 miles...but we can't put on the A/C because I'm conserving gas." Make that make sense to me.

This one is a recent problem I’ve run into. I’m a walker…and usually enjoy walking to and from work…and certainly to and from short distances. There are, however, times when I’m running late, or am tired, or have bags in my hand and I want to take a taxi a short distance.  Lately, for some reason, cabbies have been giving me a hard time about this. I got in a cab one time, gave the guy the address, and he was like, “you could walk there.” Now you listen here! The practical side of this is if I weren’t here, you’d simply be riding around aimlessly with no money being earned. You may be driving me a short distance, but at least it’s a distance in which you are making money and not just wasting gas. The other side if this is, from the moment I open that door and slide my fat butt into the seat to the moment I give you your fare and get my fat butt out…you work for me! So if I want you to pick me up from my house and drive me simply to the house next door, or if I want you to take me down a long, slow fall to hell…it’s doesn’t matter. Go where I tell you!

Apparently after the demand for campy 70's books for kids went south, Mr. Chatterbox got a job driving cabs.

And finally, there’s the talking issue. I have a nice face and I smile at people a lot. It’s the southerner in me. It’s good because people usually are receptive to that and are nice back to me. It is bad sometimes when people see my kindness as a misguided indication that I want to hear them talk or care about what’s going on in their world. This liability ALWAYS manifests itself in a taxi. It always behooves me that I have to practically lay in the middle of the street in front of the cab for you to stop and pick me up…and then once I’m in the cab…you won’t shut the hell up! When I’m in a cab…I want to sit there and listen to my I-pod un-interrupted until it’s time for me to pay and leave, but it never fails that my driver wants to chat. Then, after 10 minutes of one word, dry answers from me, I finally give in, take my headphones out of my ears, wrap the cord around the I-pod, place it in my bag, and poise myself for conversation…the driver goes from Chatty Cathy to a deaf-mute. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!!!!

I’ll never understand it!

I couldn't resist.

Lately it seems as if I’ve been in more and more discussions with close friends who are curious about the political posts I’ve put up on Facebook, or comments I’ve made or responses I’ve made to their posts. Because those individual comments have been made regarding specific topics and not my political ideology as a whole…many of them have been misinterpreted or taken out of context (whether on purpose or inadvertently) thus causing people who I thought knew me well to question my integrity, character and, in some cases, sanity. SO…in the interest of clearing some things up I’m writing this blog post as a summary of my political ideology. Ever wondered what I think about politics…morality…race…well…here it is!

HOW DO I TRULY FEEL ABOUT REPUBLICANS?

I decided to address this before anything else to serve as a buffer to those who disagree with my views and would take my disagreement with theirs as hatred on my part. Read this first…so that you can understand where I’m coming from before you come at me with pitchforks and napalm.

It’s no secret that I’m a Democrat. I wear my political party as a badge of honor, and although I don’t agree with EVERYTHING the party stands for, they hold the majority of my views at heart (particularly the ones that I think are most important with regard to one’s involvement in running the country at any level or branch of government). The thing I’m always (falsely) accused of is hating republicans. (except for that one time I was called a racist in big bold letters on my Facebook wall…lol. Oh yeah…and that other time when I was likened to fallen televangelistJimmy Swaggartfor ranting about the crackpot governor of Texas entertaining the idea of Texas succeeding from the union. Someone PLEASE read the linked Wiki article on Jimmy and make that correlation make sense for me…because I’m still confused.)

Let me say once and for all…I DO NOT HATE REPUBLICANS! I’m almost positive the majority of my friends are Republican…and I don’t mean that in the way that racists do when they say “I don’t hate black people. I have a black friend.”…and it turns out that they are referring only to Lester (pic of lester), the black guy they found on the side of some road and have been paying (in peanuts and old clothes no less) to clean their car once a week and do odd jobs around the house (not to mention if you can count the number of black friends you have…you are probably a racist…lol. I kid, I kid.) Of my 10 closest friends on the planet…3 are republicans…and because of my southern, Bible-belt upbringing, if you polled ALL of my friends, more than 50% of the people I love and admire are either registered Republicans or are not political…or bright…enough to know what political party to affiliate themselves with, but still harbor deeply conservative views on most issues. Despite the fact that I find their ideology deeply flawed and question their true motive on many issues…I still love them as people and embrace them as my friends. We simply disagree. Just because I disagree with someone doesn’t mean that I hate them…and likewise…I don’t expect everyone to agree with me and would hope that they wouldn’t harbor disdain for me over any political disagreement we way have. So lighten up!

KJ ON CONSERVATISM

The TRUE Axis of Evil...LOL!

Now that all that is out of the way we can get to the real issue at hand. It’s not the Republican Party that I have issue with so much. All you history buffs out there will remember that the GOP has taken many forms over the years, from the party of Lincoln that fought to abolish slavery and to assimilate blacks into American society as fully equal citizens through Reconstruction in the 19^th century…to the party of business and economic progress at the turn of the 20^thcentury…to whatever it is today (I’m not quite sure…and I don’t think they quite know either). Political parties change. So you can disagree with their present state, but you can’t really hate a party because give it 40 years and it will look completely different than it did when you started hating it. What one can take issue with, however, is the deeper political ideology that is driving a particular party at a given moment in time. The issue that I have is the Republican Party’s adoption of Conservatism as the heart of its agenda over the course of the 20^th century and into the present one. So what’s so wrong with conservatism you ask? Well, by definition…it seeks to maintain the status quo…and, if some conservatives have their way…to revert to a time when things were “simpler and better”. I like how Webster’s Dictionary puts it. Conservatism is ”the tendency to prefer an existing or traditional situation [over] change”. Don’t believe me…here’s the link to definition (click me). Being an African-American in America, the idea of reverting back to a simpler better time doesn’t quite sit well with me. I know the average American thinks of this when they think of days gone by (click me)…and that’s cute…but days gone by for me, and those like me, look more like this (click me)…and this (click me too)…and this (click me as well). I wouldn’t call that better.

Sounds nice doesn't it?

But beyond the obvious racial reservations I may have with looking backward, there’s a more universally important reason why I don’t like the hope of returning to a better past or even staying in what the more delusional among us may see as an OK present. I’m all about progress. Civilization, and more importantly to me…American society, should ALWAYS be moving forward for no other reason than to improve. Conservatism positions itself against the idea of progress for progress’ sake despite how right or necessary for human advancement the progress in question may be. For instance, let’s look at social issues over the course of history. The protestant reformation, the American Revolution, slavery, opposing the South’s secession, civil rights, women’s suffrage, equality in the workplace…these are all issues which the conservatives of their day (under various parties andd titiles) had either blatantly opposed, or fought against behind the scenes to block measures that sought to promote these social changes in the interest of not “rocking the boat”, holding on to tradition, and many times out of sheer ignorance, bigotry and hatred. Furthermore, it astounds me that the majority of my fellow Christians would embrace conservatism when 2000 years ago, when Jesus was on the scene, it was the conservatives of His day that rejected and crucified Him and countless numbers of His followers over the subsequent few centuries because the conservative mindset made it hard for them to wrap their minds around the religious and spiritual revolution that was taking place. Observing its historical track record, I can safely say that conservatives have been on the wrong side of almost every social issue over the past 2000 years. If a contractor had 90% of his past projects collapse on, and kill, its inhabitants (*whispers* particularly the darker ones…lol) would you hire him to build your house? Why, then, should I trust the protectors of an ideology with such a deplorable track record to build the future of my country?! Selah.

SOCIO-ECONOMIC ISSUES

See. This person doesn't have bootstraps. How do you propose he pull himself up?

Conservatives like to throw around phrases like “fiscal responsibility, “preservation of Capitalism”, and “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” when we are talking about socio-economic issues. All of these are concepts with which I agree on some level. I believe that we should not throw money at every problem and that we have to be good stewards over the budgets on the federal, state and local levels. However, I also believe that we can’t use fiscal responsibility as a mask to hide greed and apathy for the needs of others in our society who are less fortunate than we. I am definitely a Capitalist, but find it extremely difficult to restrain myself from calling someone ignorant who would accuse me or anyone else for that matter (especially the president) of being a closet Socialist simply because we also believe in placing regulations as safe-guards around big-business to protect it from harming small businesses, consumers, and…as we’ve seen in recent months, even from harming itself and in turn the American economy and that of countries around the world. I believe in pulling one’s self up by one’s bootstraps, but also am inclined to remember that there are millions of Americans who haven’t bootstraps with which to pull themselves up…and instead need a hand from those of us who are already standing. And speaking of the accusations of Socialism…I love how conservatives spend so much time telling people whatthey can and can’t read or watch on television, what they can and can’t do in their bedrooms, who they can and can’t marry, what they can and can’t do with their bodies, what they should and shouldn’t learn in school, and the list goes on and on…but when we liberals get to topics that require them to come out of pocket for the good of society; or about placing safeguards around businesses so they don’t screw their patrons, employees and the economy; or on preventing every redneck and thug with the IQ of a box of hair from being able to purchase M-16′s with hollow-tip, armor-piercing bullets from the local Wal-Mart…then we’re evil socialists bent upon trampling on everyone’s civil liberties…and enemies of capitalism, the constitution, democracy and the America. Now…I don’t wanna sound like I’ve thrown away my faith and belief in and desire to uphold the statutes of God’s word. I agree with many of the moral policies of the GOP…no my aim is not to diminish the need for a moral standard in America. My point is…what’s good for the goose had better be good for the gander. If we should pass legislation to guide people morally…you know…to “force them to do good”….then why can’t we guide them in the areas like healthcare and education? Please explain that one to me because it continually goes over my head.

This is just as expensive as healthcare for all. Why would you rather spend the money on this?

I feel that conservatives fail to see the interconnected relationships between all Americans. They like to view poverty as a punishment for those who they feel are lazy and unmotivated, but fail to see that allowing them to remain in poverty, denying them healthcare, not helping to make it easier for them to attain higher levels of education…all these things not only hurt the individuals, but hurt our society as a whole. If people don’t have access to healthcare then they are not being treated for diseases and thus are spreading disease among the rest of the population. If they aren’t able to attain higher education, or don’t have social programs to promote education in lower-income areas that are plagued with hopelessness and a sense that a better life is not within their reach…then it’s not just those people who are hurt. It gives America as a whole a less educated workforce thus weakening us in comparison to other nations and hurting our chances to be as competitive as possible in this ever globalizing world. I also find it amusing that it’s the conservatives in Congress that always scream “we’re broke” when we ask them for a healthcare system that will cover every American (which I believe is not a luxury but an as yet unmet responsibility of the federal government), who can somehow find a way to pull untold amounts of funding out of what I assume is thin air to fund our unwanted military exploits around the world. I also love the argurment that we don’t want the government to run a healthcare system or an education system because it will be inefficient and their services would be sub-standard. OK…well I wish those people would stop calling the police when they are in danger, or stop using the post office, or stop relying on the fire department. I wish our military was set up so that it could only protect folk that didn’t mind government funded systems and would leave the folk who think the government funded systems don’t work to fend for themselves. Let’s see how Sarah Palin and “Joe Six-Pack” do against Al-Qaeda without the backing of the government funded and run and apparently (by virtue of the clams their own claims about the quality of govenment provided services) “expensive” and “inefficient” US military.

This is what America looked like the last time we let poverty go unchecked.

The reality is theyknow that not all, or even a vast majority of, Americans lazy and unproductive…and I hope they know that poverty is not always solely a product of self-motivation, or the lack thereof. I hope they understand that poverty stems from a myriad of factors ranging from environment during one’s upbringing to temporary situations like the recent recession, or death, or divorce, or abandonment…and the list goes on. If they know this then the only explanation for their reservation to help is an unwillingness to contribute to the improvement of our society. You guys wanna boast about patriotism and the advancement of America over other countries and preserving or greatness…then put your money where your mouth is! The truth of the matter is, as the Bible says, “the poor will always be with us.” If left unchecked, poverty (especially in Capitalism) only gets worse. Don’t believe me? Research the widening divide between the rich and poor during the turn of the 20^th century when there were no social programs to assist the poor. No matter how much you don’t wanna pay the extra ten tax dollars to help folk out…it’s greatly needed for the betterment of our Society. And speaking of poverty in America…I also fail to understand is why the same people making that claim are the very ones who need the assistance. Although many members of the GOP are wealthy, the average Republican is either poor or middle class and could certainly benfit from some free education and healthcare. It’s like they’re shooting themselves in the foot. But…I digress.

 I would also like to point out how the same people who talk about how much they are against wasteful social programs and greedy Americans who are always looking for handouts were the same ones flying out to Washington in their private jets on their hands and knees begging Congress for…what was that again…oh… yeah…A HANDOUT!!!!! And, being a Christian, the pastors of America are the ones I’m most disappointed in. It was so humorous to me when President Bush (or as I like to call him…”Dubya”) started the faith-based initiatives…it was the same pastors who supported candidates who fought against government assistance for the poor (despite the Bible’s many nuggets on the importance of aiding the poor) who were scrambling to see how much faith-based money they could get from Uncle Sam. Don’t get me wrong…I may be a Democrat…but I’m a Christian first. I don’t completely agree with the concept of separation of church and state and was happy to see the government funding churches and religious non-profits to aid in community development…and pray it continues. My issue is with the hypocrisy. Why is government assistance good when it’s to a church that gets tithe and offering dollars or to the president of a failing bank who despite his despicable job performance still makes seven or eight figures a year, but not when it’s to a mother of three who works a job that pays her $6.55 per hour (because the conservatives don’t want to raise the minimum wage) and can’t afford child-care, proper education for her kids, better education for herself, food and adequate shelter. I’ll tell you why. Pure…old fashioned GREED and APATHY…and it’s got to change! 

I sent these guys my doctor bill MONTHS ago and I still haven't heard from them? That IS their responsibility RIGHT? That's what the GOP told me.

The other argument against government assistance and healthcare that I LOVE…which comes from the religious wing of the Republican party…is this one.  “I believe that care for the poor is the responsibility of the church and not of the federal government.” I agree that care for the poor is one of the church’s responsibilities but by virtue of the role of government…it’s one of the government’s responsibilities too. Now I, like many conservatives, definitely want to see the church rise up and care for the poor, but how many pastors of mega churches (or any churches for that matter) have you seen asking their poor congregants to bring their medical bills to the church administrative office so the church can pay for them? How many do you know that provide food for widows or pay for education for the members of their youth groups whose families can’t afford education, or provide assistance for young ladies who made the mistake of sleeping around, got pregnant, but desire to do the right thing by not having an abortion but can’t actually afford child birth or child rearing? We all know that the answer is an embarrassingly small number of them do that. So what are we to do while we’re waiting for the church to rise up and do its duty? Let folk starve or die from disease? I hope not! Someone has to do something and the entity that’s LEGALLY responsible when all else fails is the federal government. Until such a time as the church takes its place as the champion of the poor (and middle class) the government must do all within its power to protect its citizens. That goes for domestic threats like disease and poverty, and not just foreign ones like terrorism. Don’t believe me? Let me refer you to a quote from one of my friends who has done some research on the topic.

“Consider even Psalms 72.  King Solomon reflects on his role as a head of state, and asks God to help him rule…

 ’Endow the king with your justice, O God, …’ . Here’s how Solomon describes their impact on a king: ” He will defend the afflicted among the people and save the children of the needy; he will crush the oppressor….For he shall deliver the needy when he crieth; the poor also, and him that hath no helper. He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy.’

He sees special care for the needy— as a characteristic of government blessed by God.” 

So clearly government for care for the afflicted and needy is a Biblical principle.

MORALITY

 As I’ve said before, I’m a Christian. And not just your average guy who believes in God and is cool with JC, but couldn’t quote a Bible verse if his life depended on it. I’m one of your southern, Bible-belt, charismatic evangelicals. I’m pretty hardcore! This is probably why I get such flack from my conservative friends. They love to ask me “how can you call yourself a Christian and align yourself with a party that supports the legalization of abortion and the cause of homosexual rights?” Well…I’ll tell you. The first reason is that I believe that there is more on the heart of God than just those two issues. I actually side with the conservatives on them…but don’t believe that my political ideology should be based upon only homosexuality and abortion. I too hate that the Democrats, in my opinion, have it so very wrong on issues like abortion and gay marriage…but sin is sin. Both sides, liberal and conservative, have things they do wrong. I understand that it’s not all conservatives… but conservative leadership has a history marked by greed, selfishness and bigotry. Are those any less revolting to God than abortion or homosexuality? [If your answer is "yes" then feel free to message me and we can do a bible study about the subject!] Are the abortion doctors who kill thousands of unborn children per day any more guilty than the Republican senators who fight vehemently against healthcare for all despite their knowledge of the millions of American children that die each year because they haven’t the means to access medicine? I think not.

"If I look the part they won't be able to tell that I'm really a wolf, right?"

Conservatives are so consumed with the appearance of morality that they overlook many moral discrepancies on their part. A good example of that is in the 1950’s, during the civil rights movement when during the day southern churches would speak against stuff like women wearing pants, makeup or earrings, or people dancing, or going to the movies…but then, when night fell, would gather it’s members together, put on white sheets and blow up black churches, terrorize black neighborhoods, burn crosses on lawns and murder African-Americans. Now…I know times have changed and people don’t do that anymore…not blatantly at least…but the same concept can be found in many of the things they do now. So many conservatives were in staunch support of the Iraq War and the resulting slaughter of thousands of Iraqis who had nothing to do with the events surrounding 9/11 nor harbored the weapons of mass destruction they were accused of…and when our faux pas was exposed, still thought we should be over there killing Iraqis. They have no problem with wanton, unwarranted blood-shed…but will shout to the top of their lungs about the ills of Harry Potter and their aggravation as to why the Teletubby with the deep voice has to have the purse. They’ll demonize abortion doctors for performing abortions but then protect hospitals who charge people with no income hundreds of thousands of dollars for life-preserving surgeries and the insurance companies that keep premiums out of their reach…or refuse to pay for services for people who are stretching to pay their insane fees. It’s all bad stuff…on both sides…and I’m not saying that the conservatives should stop fighting for many of the moral issues they fight for…I’m just saying…If you’re gonna be the party that champions morality…then be moral on all fronts and not just the ones that are so obvious. Remember…true integrity has to do with who you are and what you stand for when it can’t be so easily seen.

"We're glad you did the right thing by having her. Now good luck feeing, clothing, insuring, educating and keeping her off the streets. Would you like a nice minimum wage job to help with that. We'd pay you less...but the Socialist government won't let us."

I also love when morality and socio-economics mix. I hate to harp on abortion…and feel the need to say that I am 100% pro-life…BUT…it’s hard to tell an uneducated pregnant woman who doesn’t have a pot to pee in, nor a window out of which to throw it that she should to the right thing and have the baby and then out of the same mouth tell her, “but you’re on your own. Good luck!”. If you want people to do right…especially when doing right is extremely harder than doing wrong…you’d better be prepared to be willing to help them in the aftermath…or they’re gonna ignore you. You want women to stop having abortions…especially poor ones…then support the social-programs that will help them financially. You want kids to stop killing each other…then stop backing the gun lobby and help get guns off the streets and instead push for the government to better financially support afterschool programs and extracurricular activities to keep poor kids (who are more prone to get involved with gangs and in crime) off the street. You want teens to stop getting pregnant? Then, as much as we’d all like for them to follow the Bible and stop having pre-marital sex, stop thinking that teaching abstinence in this day and age is going to work and make condoms available in the nurses office and get off our high-horses and allow schools to teach age-appropriate sex-education to students. We can make it look like we have it morally together all we want…the truth is we don’t! We can’t deal with issues like we DO have it together. We’ve got to approach these real issues with real solutions, even if they are uncomfortable…until such a time as time as revival sweeps America and everyone rises to the moral standard the Bible has set. If we don’t…pregnancy (and consequently the abortions we are all trying to prevent) and AIDS are going to increase dramatically. Let’s stop trying to LOOK moral and simply BE moral…and be smart while we’re at it.

 So how do I sleep at night as a Christian liberal? I pick the party that has MOST of the issues I hold dear at heart and raise my voice with theirs to champion those issues while being ever vocal against the issues on which we disagree. My liberal friends can tell you, just as I’m hard on the Republicans about where we differ, I’m just as hard (if not harder) on the Democrats about issues such as gay marriage and abortion. And then I brace myself and wait for one of my friends and fellow Christians to question my loyalty to Christ simply because I don’t agree with them, and the rest of the followers of Limbaugh, on EVERY issue. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! It’s funny because it’s true.

RACE

Hmmmmm. Why is there no Asian in this picture? RACISM!!!!!!!!! LOL!!! Just kidding.

This one is touchy , but after having been called a racist a couple times in recent months I feel the need to address this one. First off…I AM NOT A RACIST! The only thing I have more of than conservative friends is white, Hispanic and Asian ones (in that order). And I can’t count them…there are so many…so you can’t use the “if you can count your white friends then you are a racist” on me…lol. I have, however, become more observant regarding issues of race in America as I’ve gotten older and more mature. I can’t speak for all black people…but I can speak for myself when I say I understand that no-one alive today is responsible for slavery. I would also like to say I understand that the vast majority of, as in MOST, Caucasian-Americans do not harbor ill will or hatred in their hearts for African-Americans. I also understand that race relations in America over the past few decades have DRASTICALLY improved and black folk are moving closer and closer to the equality we seek (the past presidential election is proof of that). “So what then is the problem?” you ask. “What is it you people want?”  you ask. First of all…WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE CALLING “YOU PEOPLE”!!!!???  HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Just kidding. But seriously…here’s my input on that

I don't care who you are...the mental effects of several hundred years of THIS are hard to shake.

1)      I believe we all want white people to acknowledge that black people still suffer from the effects of slavery today. I hear so many white people (some of which are friends of mine) ask “why can’t the blacks who are on welfare pull themselves up and do better?” My answer to that is the effects of centuries of systematic abuse, torture, fear, hatred, degradation, being told that you are inferior and all of the other injustices African-Americans have faced at the hands of the American government and her inhabitants will not, cannot and has not been healed in the 30 or 40 years since the end of the civil rights movement. Yes, an element of the problem has to do with self-motivation and initiative, but an unseen yet equally as powerful element is the negative psychological effects African-Americans as a people group still posses as a result of slavery and the subsequent discrimination following our emancipation. Let’s not forget that it as recently as my mother’s generation did blacks have to enter in back entrances of establishments (if they were allowed to enter at all), have to sit in the back of busses, have to drink from separate water fountains, have to call whites sir and m’am as adults, and be generally treated as second class citizens. That does something to your psyche, to the collective consciousness of a people group, and although, praise God, many of us have been able to rise above that…there are still some (especially among the poor) who are still working through the issues of disenfranchisement. We understand that it’s not all white people, nor do all the ones that are guilty of it engage in this practice with consciously or with malicious intent, but we want the white people that are guilty of it to stop looking down on them or judging them and instead ask what can we TOGETHER do to help them.

Also…we want the members of the white community who say that “black people are always complaining for nothing”, and “they have it good! There’s nothing wrong with them” to stop saying that too. As Robert Kennedy so eloquently said, “If any man claims the Negro should be content… let him say he would willingly change the color of his skin and go to live in the Negro section of a large city. Then and only then has he a right to such a claim.” When you can say you would, without question, put yourself in the position any of of a majority of black Americans, THEN and only then has equality been achieved and the promise land reached. Until then…you can’t make the claim that we should be content, because clearly you would not care to walk in our shoes…and you should be working with us to fix whatever racial problems still persist.

 Furthermore, stop asking us to forget about slavery and the discrimination. No one asks the Jews to forget about the Holocaust…and rightfully so. A history forgotten can easily turn into a history repeated. We can forgive…and, by God’s grace many of us have…but we’ll never forget. And don’t get mad when we talk about it either. It’s our experience to talk about as we see fit…as long as it is for the purpose of historical context and not out of hatred. You weren’t there so you shouldn’t feel guilty or uncomfortable when it’s mentioned…but I digress.

Does this look ghetto to you?! This is how we're livin' now!

2)      We’d like for people to stop making unmerited negative associations with regard to African-Americans.  For instance, viewing welfare as being synonymous with the African-American experience…like we’ve cornered the market on government handouts. This country of 300,000,000 people is 77% white. By virtue of sheer number there are a staggering number more white people on welfare than blacks. So leave us alone on that one. Or, and this one is a favorite of mine. I’ve actually had people dare say to my face, “that neighborhood is ghetto” simply because black people live there. I had a girl once call me a racist because I brought up the concept of “white flight” (click me for definition), but then out of the same mouth a few weeks later told me she wouldn’t move to Prince George’s County, Maryland because it was “ghetto”…despite the fact that it’s a HUGE county many areas of which are better than the area in which she lives. So if the demographics are the same (or better)…then what makes it ghetto? The only difference is the racial composition. I guess the neighborhood is ghetto because it’s full of blacks, right? The same thing happened when I lived in New Orleans. I grew up in an area of New Orleans called “New Orleans East”. When it was developed in the 60’s and 70’s it was predominately white. Then blacks started getting better jobs and more money and moved there and it wasn’t long before the whites moved out. That’s not the part that bothers me. People like to be near people they know and are familiar with. I understand that. The problem I have is all of a sudden…now that the blacks live there…it’s “ghetto” despite the fact that it’s comprised primarily of middle and upper class black folk who are educated, own their homes and who’s incomes rival those of the folk who’ve fled to the outskirts of the city and are calling them ghetto. When you call it ghetto and the only difference is that it’s made up of blacks…that is unacceptable!

I don't behave like, or aspire to be any of these crappy people...but at least they are the stars of the show an not the "ethnic comedy relief". We gotta take what we can get! *sigh*

3)      We’d like for people to stop asking us what we need affirmative action, the NAACP and BET for since things are now “equal”. Do you know why there are such a large number of black CEO’s and VP’s and managers and professors and such. It’s because companies were forced to hire them. If change had happened on its own we wouldn’t be so pressed about affirmative action…but since change didn’t happen until it was made to happen, then we’re understandably reluctant to release employers from their obligations in the interest of not having to have mass amounts of blacks suddenly fired “for cause” and then not being able to find jobs that don’t require us to work in a factory or tap dance. And as far as BET and the NAACP go…we need them to make sure we are well represented in the culture. “Why do we need that?” you ask. Let’s play a game called find the black folk. See any here? (click me)…how about here? (click me too)…here? (click me as well). Didn’t find any. That’s because they aren’t there. We need to see people on TV who look like us. It seems petty…but it says a lot that Disney has been around for almost 100 years and they are JUST getting a black Disney princess for our little girls to look up to. Don’t believe me…find the black in this one too (click me)…and no…the Arab chick doesn’t count! That lack of representation, even as small as it may seem in the grand scheme of things, has a negative effect on our people group. BET, although I hate it and find that is does a poor job of representing black folk, at least gives us the opportunity to see black people in roles other than “janitor #1”, “crackhead #2″, “comical sidekick” or “fat, loud-mouth friend with an attitude”. And we need the NAACP to make sure we gain adequate representation in other areas where we are grossly under-represented…like this (click me)…and this (click me too) and, most importantly, this (click me as well). Trust me…we don’t like that we have to have seperate institutions to be seen and heard either…but it is what it is. When you guys start throwing a couple of us in major roles in your sitcoms, we’ll be able to stop making our own.

See...I'm not a racist. I've got the shirt to prove it.

4)      Finally…and this is a personal one…stop calling me and other black folk racist simply because we address racial issues and it makes you uncomfortable. Race is the big pink elephant in the middle of the room that no one wants to talk about…but if we don’t bring the issue to the forefront and discuss it we’ll never fully understand one another, we’ll never resolve the underlying issues of race that are still eating away at the fabric of America, and the unresolved issues will fester breeding more hatred and intolerance from both sides. Instead of feeling uncomfortable…let’s discuss. I’d love to hear issues from the other side. No problem has ever been solved without discourse…and it’s usually uncomfortable.

Ok…it’s getting late…and I’ve got work in the morning. I’m tired so I’m sure I’ve rambled a bit…but I think I covered a lot. I’m sure there’s more…but it’ll have to wait for a later date. Hopefully folk will read this and comment. And above all…hopefully this clears up where I stand on many issues so that folk aren’t at my throat every time I make a post that is political or remotely racial. I’m sure some will read this and miss the point and think even worse of me because I even mentioned race or anything negative towards the conservative movement. I guess I can’t do anything about that. People are gonna believe what they wanna believe and take from things what they wanna take from them. I did my part by putting it out there.

racisticus moronicus

I’ve been trying to keep these posts a-political…BUT…I’ve been itching to write about this one for a while and have finally gotten the motivation to give in.

So a friend of mine, disturbed and confused by Rush Limbaugh’s public claim that he wants President Obama to fail, posed this question on my Facebook wall. “Why would you want the president of the country you live in to fail when your personal well-being is directly linked with his prosperity or decline?” Now…I’m sure none of us are surprised that Rush would say something fueled by hate, nor are we surprised that he would say something fueled by ignorance…but all of us are a little perplexed that he would make such a hateful and ignorant wish when the outcome negatively effects him directly. It caused me to think (uh oh…lol) and come up with this hypothesis. Let me know what you think.

I feel like the average person can think only a few “layers” deep on any issue. When I say layers…I mean levels of association and affect. For example:

 1. Stoves produce heat…

2. Therefore the stove its hot…

3. Heat burns…

4. Therefore if I touch the stove I will burn myself

5. Burns produce physical pain…

6. Pain is bad….

7. Don’t touch the stove.

 That’s like 7 “thought layers”. Children have mastered the “don’t touch the stove” association…so we can safely say that a toddler can think 7 “thought levels deep”.

Now…what I know of human nature and animal behavior…we are all in the business of self-preservation. No animal (humans included…except for those crazy folks into S&M) is going to willingly put itself in harms way. If said animal walks into a dangerous situation…it’s clearly because it has not thought deeply enough to reach the “thought layer” that involves pain…and therefore doesn’t know that pain is coming as a result of its decision.

 *wipes brow and looks at congregation* Stay with me…we’re going somewhere…

 Where this poses a problem for Rush is that the personal “pain” for him associated with the potential failure of President Obama is not that deep in the “layers of thought”…CERTAINLY not as deep as the concept of a stove having the ability to burn someone. It pretty much goes…

 1. Obama fails…

2. He runs the country…

3. I live in this country…

4. I too fail.

 That’s only four levels. So to answer the initial question…the reason Rush Limbaugh (or anyone else for that matter) would say something as stupid as “I hope President Obama fails” is because he clearly has a mental capacity three levels shy of that of a 4-year-old.

***DISCLAIMER***  I’m starting off with some things I hate. I know I have a lot of friends who are all “spread the love/hug the world/everything is wonderful.” PLEASE…I’m begging you…don’t comment on this post asking me why I’m being so negative, or telling me how “hate” is a strong word, or any of the other stupid things some of you are prone to say. I assure you, you won’t like the NEGATIVE reply you get.

I would also like to say…if you read anything that may be racial…I’m only pulling the humor or much needed to be made point out of a situation. I LOVE all people groups and have many friends represented in each. If you feel offended about something I’ve said that could be applied to your racial group…give it time…they’ll be something offensive about my own soon enough. And if i’ve NOT offended  your racial group….give it time…I just haven’t gotten to you yet. 

That is all.

Dogs Off Leashes

"Don't tell anyone, but I got my test results back. I have rabies."

I put this first because, presently, this is probably one of the top things in all the world that annoy me most. I usually run the two miles to work and walk home after work (which leads me to believe I must eat an adult bull elephant’s weight worth of food everyday since I consistently get 4 miles worth of physical activity and can’t lose any weight…but I digress). On my way to work, I pass through Washington, DC’s DuPont Circle neighborhood, a trendy, upscale part of town packed with professional 20 and 30 somethings who love dogs. Let me first say, I LOVE DOGS! I want one very badly, and as soon as my landlord stops being a jerk and takes the “no animals allowed” rule off my apartment…I’m getting an English bulldog and naming him Sir Pissy McShittyshanks. Having said that, I also understand a dog’s place. He is not a human. He is not a member of the family. He is not a substitute for your “yet to attain” wife, child, boyfriend, girlfriend or anything else. He is a dog…an unpredictable animal who’s mind you cannot read and responses you cannot always foresee. This is why when I see folks along the sidewalk letting their dog run ahead of them, or in a yard just letting Kujo frolic unrestrained I get mad. “Why?’ you ask? Because you don’t know what could set him off. I know we all like to think our dogs have personalities and we know them all so well…but the reality is you can’t read his mind, don’t really know when he’s agitated, and, seeing as dogs can out run the fastest human by about 15 mph, are powerless to stop him should he decide he doesn’t like someone being within the parameter of the “fence of urine” he’s marked around what he assumes to be his portion of the neighborhood and proceeds to take his teeth and play a rousing game of “let’s see what’s under a humans epidermis” with one of your neighbors. And don’t tell me that doesn’t happen, because there’s a long list of documented dog attack cases that will back me up…and it’s always the same idiot who said, “I know my dog’s personality and he wouldn’t hurt a fly”, who’s now on TV telling the police “He’s just a dog, he didn’t know any better”. MAKE UP YOUR MIND!!!! Or better yet…just put a leash on your dog!

***I would like to point out this only applies to large dogs. I’m clearly not worried about being bitten by a little lap dog or anything.***

Parents Who Don’t Beat Their Kids

"No mommy! YOU sit down and smile!"

Ok…I’m sick of all this “Jon and Kate plus 8″ business…and it has nothing to do with the infidelity and scandal. First off…stop being whimsical and cute. Your name is JOHN…put the “H” in your name like everyone else! Friggin’ uber-liberals and their free spirits! Secondly, it annoys me that no one else but me saw that this “Dharma and Greg”, “Odd Couple” marriage was doomed from the start! THEY ARE TO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE! She’s an ambitious, overbearing control freak, and he’s a slubborn, deadbeat loser. I know they say opposites attract, but goodness, there’s a limit! But the one that really grinds my gears is that there were countless episodes that I’d glanced upon while flipping the channels when either or both of them were yelling at their kids trying to get them to move, sit, stop doing something, or start doing something…and the little monsters would just look at them and go about their merry way. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! If you, a grown man or woman, can’t keep control in your home when the battle is against a toddler, YOU’RE DOOMED! That would have NEVER flown in my house. When my mom gave an order…it was obeyed…OR…it was followed by a projectile of some sort to…uh…”influence” me into action (if I was still conscious). All this, “let’s negotiate with the children”, “violence breeds violence”, “whippings are abuse” crap has got to stop! There are too many stressed out parents out there following this psycho-babble who are being over-run by their kindergarteners because they refuse to employ the only tactic that works…a sound lashing! Now…there is a difference between spankings and abuse and let me be the first to tell you that I don’t condone the latter, but the former is NECESSARY if you are to run an orderly house. The other day I saw a mom who had several times asked her daughter to “come on” because she had to go somewhere…and each time the daughter expressed her desire to stay where she was and refused to move. The mother then proceeded to negotiate with the child. Let’s look at it from this perspective. What if they were in danger? Now, because you haven’t instilled a healthy fear that if your word isn’t obeyed there will be serious consequences, you have to waste precious time explaining yourself and negotiating with the brat to get her to move…I’m sure by which point the danger will have already found and consumed both of you. A sad situation when all you had to do was yank that wench, pop her one good time and drag her to the car! Needless to say this happened in the same neighborhood as the “dogs without leashes” incidents. Hmmmm…the same people who don’t put leashes on their dogs also don’t spank or have control over their kids. There’s some sort of common link there. I wonder what it is?

University Attendance Policies

I CERTAINLY wouldn't have gotten one of these!

Ok…this one will be short and to the point. I don’t understand how I can be paying the monetary equivalent of a Escalade each year to attend your university and you can fail me for not showing up. That doesn’t sound messed up to you?! It’s my dime (or in some cases 500,000 dimes to be exact)…I should be able to come to class when I get good and ready…and when I’m not ready….I think I’ve paid more than enough to stay my fat, black behind at my house!

Celebrities Adopting International Minority Children

"We don't have a green one yet. Next stop? MARS!!!"

What do you get the man or woman who has everything? Apparently you get them another human being. I know I should be touched by folk like Madonna and The Cruises and the Pitts adopting all these underprivileged children from underdeveloped nations…but frankly…it sickens me. I understand that these kids are getting an opportunity like no other to be raised in the lap of luxury and enjoy privileges that would otherwise no be afforded them…but that’s not the point. The thing that drives me about this is the “trendy” nature of it. I’m going to say this once and for all…MINORITY CHILDREN ARE NOT COLLECTABLES!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, they’re doing all this now, but what happens when this, much like Kabala, Scientology, and the “Rachel” haircut of the 90’s go out of vogue? The world’s poor children aren’t there to help stroke your ego or make you look like a humanitarian. You wanna help some underprivileged minority children? Why not fund a school in Africa, or Asia, or South America to give a ton of kids a leg up…and not just one. Hell…if you wanna help some underprivileged minority kids…why not fund a school in HARLEM or BIRMINGHAM, or NEW ORLEANS..Lord knows they haave a TON of underprivilaged minority kids. I’ll tell you why not. It’s because this isn’t about aiding underprivileged minorities…this is about aiding overvalued celebrity egos…and it’s WRONG! Even if the end result for these individual children is marvelous. And if you still REALLY want to adopt an underprivileged minority…ADOPT ME!

When People Say “Black folk should be glad they ended up here in America”

Some free cruise this is! No one's even come by yet to take my drink order! I'm switching travel agents as soon as we get back home.

I hate this for two reasons.

1. It’s usually used to divert our attention away from the heinous nature in which we were brought here and the atrocious way in which we were treated once we got here. I love how no one ever tells Jewish people to forget the Holocaust…but America is always telling black people to forget and let go of the slave trade, slavery, discrimination and the lasting effects it has had on black society in America. Let me say, I don’t believe in holding grudges. We SHOULD forgive and not dwell in the past in the interest of progress and brotherly love…and if not for that reason…then simply because Jesus says to forgive. Having said that, we would be CRAZY to forget it!  History that is forgotten is history that is repeated. Furthermore, we are taught in school about the sacrifices and exploits of Europeans, without which America would not exist. I LOVE that we are taught those things and agree that they need to be praised. Give honor where honor it due! But America, and her inhabitants of ALL races, should never forget that she would not be the nation she is today were she not built upon the backs, blood, sweat, tears, and pride of African-Americans…by force.

2. The second reason, and probably the more non-obvious of the two, is the disturbing implication that is made by that statement. When someone says “African-Americans should be glad they ended up here in America”…what they are essentially saying (although usually not maliciously) is “your people group is so inept that if we hadn’t come and “rescued” you…you’d be some primitive, backwards people with no hope or future.” I’m sure they get that idea from the current state of several African nations, but let me point out that any disarray in the state of being of any African nation is as a direct result of the exploitation and abuse they suffered due to colonization by the English, French, Portuguese, Dutch and Spanish and not a reflection of the mental or social capacity of its inhabitants…much like the a portion of the blame of the poor condition of many blacks in the US is a direct result of the past exploitations and abuses at the hand of their our government (and many of its citizens). The Egyptians, Nubians, Kushites, Zulus, and a host of other civilizations that have been birthed out of the Africa continent are proof that humans of African descent are MORE than capable of getting by on our own and excelling beyond other civilizations in many areas. So the next time someone says that to me I’m just going to reply “Yeah…I love America and am glad I’m here, but actually, we’d probably have been WAY better off if y’all had just left us the hell alone.”

That’s it for now…I’ll have more later (and for the “world huggers”…I’ll post some stuff I love too).

This face is so much better when it's not in the silver screen.

So Beyonce…you wanna sustain your career and your place in the hearts and minds of the American people…then I ask you…I beg you…I EMPLORE YOU!!!…STICK TO SINGING!

In my 28 years of watching cartoons, I’ve been able to notice some disturbing things…like the sexual innuendos in the Disney cartoons of the 90′s (i.e. the phallus sitting atop the castle on the cover of the Little Mermaid VHS box) and the blatant racism of the early Disney and Looney Toons cartoons (i.e. the “niggerish” crows in the Dumbo movie or the ”Sambo” characters in several other early Disney cartoons.  Hmmm…apparently Disney has some issues. Makes me wonder why anyone is surprised that we’re just getting a black Disney princess after almost 100 years…and she appears as a frog for 75% of the movie. This is “par for the course” for them…but I digress.)  One disturbing thing that is usually overlooked however are the shows that CLEARLY oozed out of the ear of their animator/creator while said animator/creator was passed out on their bathroom floor cloaked in a narcotics induced unconsciousness after what I can imagine was a multi-day drug fest! Below are some examples of the cartoons that I was exposed to without being told they were the end result of someone’s acid trip.

The Smurfs

OK…this one should have been obvious. They were little blue people who LIVED IN MUSHROOMS!!!!! This had LSD written all over it. I like to consider myself pretty creative and possessing a rather over-active imagination…but even on my best day I couldn’t have come up with this! As if their habitat that resembles a scene from one of those posters you get from Spencer’ Gifts that glows under the rays of a black light (and through the cloud of weed smoke) wasn’t enough…there was the Smurfette thing. There’s only one thing that would cause a bunch of young, shirtless, white (from what I gathered from the sounds of their voices) men in fancy hats to not be the least bit interested in a buxom blonde running around alone in the woods. Ok…maybe there’s two things…but looking at the show in the context of the time period in which it first aired…I’m more inclined to think they were high as a kite and not gay as Christmas.

Care Bears

Lemme get this straight. You have bears who live on clouds that shoot rainbows, happiness and sunshine out of their chests to battle the gloomy and restrictive “establishment”…and you expect me to believe that you were sober when this was created? Please! I assure you that for every billowy, fluffy cloud these Angel Soft commercial rejects frolicked about on there was a bag of billowy, fluffy coke delivered to the writers’ pool.

Sesame Street

I know, I know! This isn’t a cartoon! But I think it’s a great example of drugs aiding in the production of children’s programming. Now I don’t want to make you think I don’t like Sesame Street. I’ve spent many a week-day morning in a pair of Superman drawz sitting Indian-style on the floor in front of our living room TV eating dry Sugar Smacks and watching Sesame Street (that’s EXACTLY what I did last weekend as a matter of fact!). I also believe that kids that watch Sesame Street are better for it. I’m not saying we’re smarter than kids that don’t…that would be mean and elitist.  I’m just saying we’re all around better human beings. Having said that…my affection for Sesame Street doesn’t negate the fact that it too was CLEARLY birthed of someone’s acid trip. First off…Sesame Street first aired in 1969. I know that gentrification in modern times and the “rising black and Hispanic middle class” over the last 30 or so years will have you believe that all the ethnic groups represented by the human cast members (Mr. Hooper, Maria, Gordon…etc.) could have co-existed peacefully together in 1969…but we all know that’s not really accurate. As a matter of fact…one could say that one would have to be HIGH to believe that a white store owner, a black man who I assume was unemployed since I never really saw Gordon do anything, a pregnant Hispanic woman and a deaf librarian would be able to live together on a street without the ACLU breaking up fights every week. So that one bit of proof that drugs were involved.

Then the variety of characters, none of which actually appear in nature, were so peculiar in nature that they had to be passed off as monsters so kids wouldn’t ask their parents “Mommy, what’s that!?” and have to hear the parent reply “PCP residue, baby. It’s the product of a lot of PCP”. When you feel better about telling your kid that something is a monster than trying to explain what it really is…you know there’s a problem. I mean seriously…WHAT THE HELL IS A SNUFFLEUPAGUS!!!!???? You can’t tell me can you? It’s because you have to be on a SNUFFLEUPAGUS’S weight worth of heroin to begin to understand what that might be…and none of us have been there! I bet if he were alive today, Jim Henson could tell us. Why? BECAUSE HE WAS HIGH AS SIN WHEN HE MADE IT UP!!!!

Bottom line…I’m not saying these shows are bad…or that we shouldn’t watch them. I’d still watch any of them today (well…maybe not Care Bears). All I’m saying is…they ain’t foolin’ nobody! We know what’s going on!

Lemme know if I missed some.

Bizzy Bone

This dude WAS Bone Thugz and Harmony!!! If you don’t believe me…let’s review Bone’s “comeback” after Bizzy’s departure. We can’t…because you probably don’t remember it…that’s how short it was! They need him. I will say…I don’t know that I’d want to hear an entire Bizzy Bone CD…but he DOES need to re-join BT&H so they can come out with a REAL CD and sit some of these whack rappers down!

Twista

Where is this brotha?  I love when rappers spit quickly…every time I heard him on a track I was like “YEAH!” Has he rapped so quickly that his tongue has LITERALLY gotten tied and he can’t speak (let alone rap) anymore? Did the friction of his lips moving so quickly spark a fire and cause him to spontaneously combust thus causing him to be…uh…”no longer with us”? Did Mase bump him off in a fit of jealously because he raps (and speaks for that matter) like he has down syndrome, and Twista’s speedy linguistics was a constant mockery of Mase’s verbal limitations? Whatever it is…we need to find a way to get him back! He was the man!

Brian McKnight

Fa real! What’s going on?! We live in musical era where, as far as R&B goes, EVERY male vocalist sounds EXACTLY the same! I heard a song the other day and was like, “Is this Dream…or Usher…or Ne-Yo…or J Holiday…or any of the other dudes that apparently share a singular set of vocal chords? I just can’t tell.” This would be the ideal time for a Brian McKnight comeback for grown folk who are tired of listening to whiney, newly post-pubescent lil’ boys sing in a 2-key range about NOTHING! Step up to the mic bruh! The music world needs you.

Mystikal

OK. We all know why he’s in jail…so I’ll refrain from saying, “Man I wish they’d let Mystikal out of jail.” I don’t want to give the impression that I condone aggravated rape. I don’t! He deserves to be under the jail…and I wish he’d never get out. Having said that…um…can’t they build a studio in the jail for him. I mean…he’s not doing anything else. All I’m saying is…why do music listeners have to suffer because he decided to be a maniac. Part of his punishment should be he should be forced to make CD’s…and when those CD’s go platinum (and they will because, let’s face it, he’s a beast on the track) the proceeds will go to victims of violence…or to the bailout money pool…or to the stimulus package. I don’t care WHERE the money goes…I just wanna hear some new Mystikal material. Let’s get this started! “Somebody get me Bobby Jindal on the phone!!!

These aren’t the only ones…but it’s a good start. Let’s get the manhunt started on these guys (except for Mystikal…we know where this nutcase is…we just need to get the Louisiana governor to get started on the new recording studio at Angola prison). I’ll post some more later.